Far away

h3h3h3x

Argh...

I eat styrofoam plates. Yum.

People make such big deals out of the littlest of things; stupid petty dramas. So immature. And I’m sitting here, laughing now. After everything that has happened, I’m sitting here laughing. Not at you, but at everyone else. Because after what happened, or what didn’t happen, things can never go back to the way they were. It’s like the world has tilted on its axis, like the universe has permanently shifted.

My life has gone in three directions: up side down.

Words have the power to destroy, to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

I used to think you were my friend. Sometimes, I still do. But when it comes down to it, friends do not treat each other the way that you treat me. I’m sick of brushing off your snide remarks, of pretending they don’t mean anything. It doesn’t matter whether you were joking or not, it still hurts. Words hurt.

Wait and see

You believe this is a game, and you may be right. But if you think you can play it better than me, think again. I don’t think people realize exactly how much pain I am in right now. But I will bite my lip and hold my tongue, pull it together, suck it up. Because the show must go on.

All good things come to an end.

Hai. I'm backkk. Anyway, i cut bangs for about a week ago. It was very short. But it will grow soon ah. So it's okay. But the boys kept laughing at my bangs. Bangbangbang. Lol. Okay. I posted pictures of my class, Jingxuan took those pictures using my phone. I think my blog is kinda plain so i posted. Haha.

I can’t help but remember everything. It’s just the way I’m wired. I mean, when I see somebody, I think about all they’ve ever said and done. All the little things, the good and the bad, it all comes flowing back to me.

5000) are you ignoring me on purpose?

i ignored you because you didn’t talk to me but then I felt bad so I ended up talking to you but now, perhaps that you noticed it so now you’re ignore me now? this is killing me. i mean, since when do you see me and just pass me by like its nothing?
I really like you. I really do. And it’s like, I don’t know if you like me or not. Even if we’re supposed to be just friends, why the avoidance? I hate this feeling.
It’s like, I don’t know how or why, but out of the whole crowd, I can easily spot you with no difficulty. Do you know how much it pains me to see you just walk away and not sit down and talk to me?
Do you know how much you are hurting me? Do you?

Sometimes,i really hope that i can hold you back and not like two strangers walking past.

I am tired. Of everything.

*Pictures taken from Jieyu's facebook. Thanks for uploading!  
Hello.. These days are not going well for me. :( Maybe i just can't fall in love with anyone. I am a failure, bigbig failure.. I still feel lonely, this is my fault, I never go out. I'm always inside doing this all day. I like doing this all day, I dont even know why I do. I know he never had any romantic feelings for me, but in that split second when I flashed back to how it used to feel I felt amazing and then in that next split second it was like a mini heartbreak. All that wasted love, those tears, that torment was flushed right back and bam it hit me. I sometimes honestly feel that I will never be loved. Just a little nick where no one will ever see. But that would be a step back. I cant let myself do that again I'm starting to have those thoughts again. The thoughts about how I could kill myself. Would I actually cut myself deep enough this time. Taking all my co-codamol tablets, throwing myself in front of a car, jumping off a building and breaking my neck. It scares me sometimes how I entertain myself with these thoughts but I dont even know myself anymore. I've changed myself so much over the past year I'm starting to look in the mirror and see nothing. What I think is worse in all of this, I know that there wont be anybody to save me even if I tried anything. And i really hate that. Well I will just have to act happy outside to show my friends, I. Am. Okay. I deleted your number on my cell even though it’s silly because I memorised your number. I blocked and deleted you off msn because I know we’ll never talk to each other too. I deleted you off all these, but i think about you. Every. single. day.

I’m a fool in love. a big, pathetic fool.

If you think I’m irritating you, just tell me. Stop keeping me waiting, stupidly waiting for your message, checking my phone every 5 minutes.. Do you know how much it hurts when I message you, wait for your reply for hours, come home and see you online and secretly hoping that you would send me a message saying that your phone low batt or spoiled so you didn’t reply? I think I shouldn’t message you or msn you anymore.. until you start the conversation first.. But until now, I’m still checking on my phone, waiting. Why am I so dumb why do I love you.

Forgetting you is like trying to remember someone i never knew.

HELLO EARTH! I am super bored right nao. :( Listening songs at youtube as i can't play songs on embed players! >:( Damn feddup. I only can watch videos at youtube site.When i wanted to watch video from embed players, it will say 'an error occured, please try again later' WHATEVER! IT IS NOT INTERNET PROBLEM! I CLICK THE VIDEO AND IT GOES TO THE YOUTUBE SITE THEN IT CAN PLAY. Arghhh. Wtfuck is this sial. Damn itttt. Ohyeah and i brought a pair of geek specs. 10 dollars without degree. I know it's quite a waste of money but i don't care. :P School tomorrow!!!! Sian die, but at least it's better thn being bored at home.


[EDIT]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO QINYU AND JIEYU! :D

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It’s always been you, and it always will be.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. :) Today was normal. Just keep thinking that today is saturday! Hehe. Went 112 with Jingxuan and Liangli, then went to market awhile. Then head over my house. Jingxuan, Liangli and me used computer. Signed in Jingxuan msn account. Then saw myself online. Was like WTF!? Lazy to elaborate about it. Jingxuan watch lollipop's concert. Me and Liangli used computer. Took some pictures while using computer. Teehee, they left at seven. Watched a short movie. 25 minutes one. It's JJ movie - The killa. WOOT! I love it. He's damndamndamn handsome please. :P I'm starting to love JJ againnn. Heheheee!