one step forward; two steps back

one step forward. two fucking steps back. the past won’t let go. the shackles won’t come loose. the bleak future stares into the blacks of my eyes. take this machete. slice my arteries open and tear up my ligaments. let my synovial fluid spill over. hack at my skeleton and crush my bones. do whatever the fuck you want. i won’t die.

And absence makes the heart grow fonder

H E L L O !!! Just done my art, had totally no idea what to draw so... Just drew back view. Well i know it's ugly but who gives a fuck? At least i done it. Uhmmm, i went westmall with Adeline today. Homed at six. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Nights.

My heart was racing like a sprinter that tripped and fell.

School was okay today. Went mac after school, jingxuan and shirley came over my house to do some art works. Watched videos together, some scenes was damn funny. Hahaha. Haven complete my painting for art, too lazy to do. Decided to do it at recess tomorrow. Thn give tcher.
I miss those times. Come back to me..

Reaching for the love that seems so far

Hi, lazy to update blog. turning in soon, so a just a short post here. There's school tomorrow, fck. And art too. Argh, had to bring a photo of myself. I brought a thumbnail size k2 photo. Hahaha, lame enough. Alright, byebye.





Soo I say it in a prayer
And hope my dreams will take it there
Where the skies are blue, the sea is once again... my love.
All the seasons coast to coast
Find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green, the sea is once again...

You were worth the fight, but I couldn’t fight forever.

Wanyu called me to post now so... Hello earthlings! :> Today was quite fun! School- Mother tongue reading first period! The boys were called to get out of the class by mrs goh! Hahaha! Thn i talk with them, they joke around thn make me laugh, thn mrs goh call me go outside too! Wahahaha. After that thn went for DnT, got scolded by tcher for nt doing dnt holidays homeworks! :P 14 people didn't do. 7 people done it, but only 3 done correctly! :S Hahaha, thn did some drawings. Drawdrawdraw till third one le, thn tcher tell me i did wrongly! Should count the number of grid not dot! Arghhh, then need redo. Erased everything! All Xinwei fault lorrr! Tell me is count by dots de. dotdotdot! Thn spent my whole recess doing it thn do finish le thn left 5min for recess, eeeee. Then stayed at classroom chatted with girls. Okay thn after that was chinese, siandie! Chatted with amelia when it's chinese. (: Thn english! Late!!! Stood outside computer lab for around 10min. Went in continue essay. Managed to do finish it and printed it out! Hehehehehehe. Thn went back class for geo, tcher say want meet us fr 5min. He gave us chocolates hehehee. Cause that time got a cher came our class to see his performance, he passed! Thn thanks us. hahaha. After school le thn bused amelia house for lunch and she need to change to tanktop. Geokqin went home change first. Eat curry instant noodles! Spicy!!! D; They say not spicy one, hahaha. Ate finish thn went to take bus to jurong thr. Clarice went home first cause she not going swimming with us. D; Thn went up the bus, geokqin inside, cause we say we want sit same bus together. Reach jurong thr, then walked to jurong east swimming complex thr. Changed to swim suit with jingxuan and applied sunblock. Go play waterrrr! Went lazy pool frst, the water can make me move sia so scary one. hahaha. After tht went to wave pool, i dont dare go 1.3m de T__T Scary lah, 1.2m i alr scared like sai like lor. 1.3m i can't.. sorry amelia and jingxuan and geokqin :( Thn it started raining, went to shelter thn chatted awhile till rain is gone, thn go lazy pool again. The strong water made me lost balance then fell down omg then i cant breathe in water almost die omg omg omg i am very scared hahahaa. Then chatted while sitting at the lazy pool staircase thr. Came out from the pool at 4pm with geokqin. Thn went bathe, bathe finish le go kfc, geokqin brought popcorn chicken and fries. Hehe, after tht took 187 back home. [: Went home put all wet clothes in washing machine thn go tuiton le. Hehe, tuition very sian yah. Homed at 8pm plus. On com, msn facebook and 霹靂MIT. Thn wanyu suddenly call me post i say later she say now. :@ Hahaha okay i post liao hor. Very good right tytytyty. Kaykay, byeee. (:

I need someone who won’t give up on me.

Hello hello! 8D Sorry for not posting a proper post these few days. >< Mood wasn't very good and had some friendships problems. But now can i say it's solved? We treat each other invisible in class. Maybe this is the best choice for us.. (: Continue to posting, tomorrow have PE and art! Arghhh! For art i only complete 2 bodies. I need to draw one more body with clothes th. But i think no time le. LOL. Tmr art le and see what's the time now. Later i off com thn sleep le. No time do le! Anyway i also lazy do art. :x Hahahas, uhmm. PE i hope tomorrow teacher won't call us run uh. :( I suck in running. :x Cmi la! Hahaha. I'm scared of the literature act. Very scary, i scared i can't memorise my lines and xiaxuey infront of ppl, omggg. But my lines are not really long and alot. I hope i can overcome the memorising of lines. ^^ And my actions too! Arghhh. Clothes too, i haven found what kind of clothes to wear sia! Wthhhh, what a mother can wear? LOL. Anyway i'm acting a cast called Mum. Ha, i'm still figuring out what to wear. Or maybe just wear simple t-shirt and shorts can le right?! But must be more auntie abit ley. HAHA, tie bun. Use the kiap to kiap the bun! Omg damn auntie can! Hahaha! Okay i found something i think it's funny.

Fuck all you fucking emo teenage fucks

George Carlin said: Fuck the children.

Afuckingmen.

Aren’t you fucking sick and tired of whining the fuck about your stupid sorry pathetic lives just because Mummy refuses to increase your weekly allowance and Daddy doesn’t let you get a new pair of Vans. You fucking kvetch on and on and fucking on about how fucking depressed you are and how life’s a bitch and how you’re miserable and you have all these fucking mood swings. What the fuck for? You have it so fucking easy, you stupid fucking children. You don’t have to work for your money. You don’t have to worry about paying the bills or putting food on the table or managing the household or looking after a house full of living breathing beings. You don’t have marital problems. You don’t have to deal with work politics. You don’t have to take the fucking bullshit the government throws at you. All you fucking fuckbuckets have to do is go to school, study, play, have fun and make your parents happy. So why the fuck are you contemplating suicide? Why the fuck are you fucking yourself up and being a fucking attention whore?

If you’re too fucking stupid to handle school and your friends and life and all that fucking jazz and you want to kill yourself, expect no sympathy from me. I’m all for it. You fucking should die, you stupid emo fucks.

So you stupid emo teenagers can take your fucking meaningless temper tantrums and shove them up your fucking assholes and focus all that energy on school and sports and whatever fucking shit you need to get done and stop being shallow cumbubbles who think the world should revolve you and your stupid ‘no one loves me’ misery.

Hahahah, the funny part it was keep repeating the 'fucking' word! But it's quite true uh. Although sometimes i have moodswings too, but came to think that our stress can't be more then adults. Yeahhhh? Haha.

Alright, i finally posted. Tag more and click my ads! Nights!

Let time rewind to the time when we're strangers

Ohk, i'm not trying to act dua or whatever. I didn't attitude Wanyu, or maybe i said something wrong offended her, then i'm sorry okay? It's just like, i trying to ask you to give in you know? I wanted us to give in together, i hope you're the one who gave in first.. I know that you did this for my own good, but doesnt mean he have a stead and i will give up you know? ): I want you all to give in but in the end i gave in.. Cause i really wanted to patch up with you all, i dont want to lose you all. To me, you all are still the best you know? Yes, i am seeking for mercy, i want you all to kelian me, i want you all to think that i'm very pitiful. I know you all hate me alot, if you want end friendship, just end it.. No use holding on to something isn't there. Maybe this is what you want. Forget it, although i can't bear to, but i know we can't be the best sisters like before already. We'll just be strangers from now one. If you want me to give up on him,congrats you succeed. Yes i have given up. Not totally but i know i can. Goodbye my friends. I wont forget those memories, maybe we're just not fated to be even friends.

If it’s not meant to be, then it won’t happen.

Well, okay. It was MY fault can? MY fault for being stupid, to believe sucha GREAT JOKE. i know i am stupid i am dumb i am gullible i am stubbon. The problems lies on me, yeah. I bet you all are laughing very hard when you all knew that i had believe this bigbig joke. I know you all want me to give up, i know. But just, give me some time okay? I can promise to you i will try okay? I know when time passes, my love to him will sooner or later fade. Cause slowly i will accept the fact that we're impossible. I don't need you all to bluff me that he have a stead to make me give up. You should know, i won't. I know myself then anyone do.. When i know it's time to give up, i will. Just believe me, one day, i will give up. I dont know when this 'one day' will be, but it will happen. I know you all do these is for my own good, thanks. Just give me time. I believe i can. When I sleep in class, i am trying not to care. But it doesn't mean i dont listen to your advices. I just dont like the feeling of being lied you know? I don't wish to argue further. I'm very tired of these nonsense already.

Just because I’m quiet, doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say.
Just because I appear happy, doesn’t mean everything is okay.
Just because I forgive, doesn’t mean I forget.
Just because I don’t listen to your problems, doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Just because I’m gullible, doesn’t mean I can be cheated.
Just because I’m stubborn, doesn’t mean I’m not easy going.
Just because I don’t study, doesn’t mean I’m stupid.
Just because I don’t show my feelings, doesn’t mean I don’t have any.
Just because I’m honest, doesn’t mean I’m outspoken.
Just becuase I’m not like you, doesn’t mean I’m weird.
Just because I’m unsure, doesn’t mean I’m afraid.
Just because I don’t like you, doesn’t mean I don’t love you.




或许我不再出现 爱才值得你怀念
huo xu wo bu zai chu xian ai cai zhi de ni huai nian
maybe I don´t show up again love will be worth you remember
你也不想见 见了也不变
ni ye bu xiang jian jian le ye bu bian
you also don´t want to see seing also won´t change
你痛苦转身的局面
ni tong ku zhuan shen de ju mian
your hurtful face as you were turning

或许我放的坚决 你才允许让回忆浮现
huo xu wo fang de jian jue ni cai cong xu rang hui yi fu xian
maybe if I let go firmly you´ll be able to let the memories emerge
是苦还是甜想起我的脸
shi ku hai shi tian xiang qi wo de lian
it´s bitter or it´s sweet when you remember my face
希望不是眼泪的咸
xi wang bu shi yan lei de xian
I hope it´s not the (taste of) salty tear

我只好离你远远却已伤害你偏偏
wo zhi hao li ni yuan yuan que yi shang hai ni pian pian
I only can leave you far away yet I still unluckily hurt you
我不配你的美 竟把你爱得狼狈
wo bu pei ni de mei jing ba ni de lang bei
I don´t deserve your beauty ending let you love discomposured
可是我离你越远 你越近靠在我眼前
ke shi wo li ni yue yuan ni yue jin kao zai wo yan qian
but I the farer I am from you the closer you´re in my eyes
已不见你幸福爱我的脸
yi bu jian ni xing fu ai wo de lian
I can´t see anymore your happy face that loved me

还欠你太多誓言我已没资格实践
hai qian ni tai duo shi yan wo yi mei zi ge shi jian
still owe you too many promises I don´t have that competence to carry them out
为我紧紧贴着 你的从前
wei wo jin jin tie zhe ni de cong qian
for me you clinged closely (in) your past
而现在的我
er xian zai de wo
but the present me

我只好离你远远却已伤害你偏偏
wo zhi hao li ni yuan yuan que yi shang hai ni pian pian
I only can leave you far away yet I still unluckily hurt you
我不配你的美 竟把你爱得狼狈
wo bu pei ni de mei jing ba ni de lang bei
I don´t deserve your beauty ending let you love discomposured
可是我离你越远 你越近靠在我眼前
ke shi wo li ni yue yuan ni yue jin kao zai wo yan qian
but I the farer I am from you the closer you´re in my eyes
已不见你幸福爱我的脸
yi bu jian ni xing fu ai wo de lian
I can´t see anymore your happy face that loved me

在远远你幸福我会看见
zai yuan yuan ni xing fu wo hui kan jian
far away I´ll be watching your happiness

Life is so much easier when you just don’t give a fuck.

It’s hard to judge people and know who’s who with that thin layer of masks on our faces. We all seem to know the people around us and seem to know what we should expect from each one of them: the liars, the funny ones, the bitches, the nerds, the happy ones, etc. We all think we know them until someone brings up an inside scoop - something that you’d never known would come from someone like that, but it did. And suddenly, you realize that maybe all your ‘people theories’ have been wrong all along, and that, maybe, just maybe, you have been lost in a pool of strangers the whole time.

I need a break from reality.

Do you exprienced before the taste of being betrayed? Yes this is what the taste is, bitter. But a little sweet, cause you know, you will not believe this person anymore, you know that this person can't be trusted anymore, you know who is your real best friends, and who are the fake ones. I finally realised who should i believe now, yeah i know i'm gullible, so it's my fault for being gullible. My fault for treating you my best friends. My fault for beliving you lies just to make me. My fault for saying out my problems to you, to make you have chance to make me. My fault to keep letting you to hurt me and i'm still treating you as my bestest friend. I shouldn't believe people so easily now. Thanks that person for telling me this truth, to let me know who should i believe now. Yeah, i will stop being naive from now, i will grow up. Friends come and go. I won't believe anyone of you all anymore. In life, people will come and people go. But eventually you’ll learn that the people who stay are the ones who will always be there, through all the bullshit, drama, good or bad times. They will be beside you, and you’ll realize that those are the only people you truly need.

You can hate me. You can get everyone to turn against me. You can do your best to destroy me. You can break me. You can hurt me. But I promise you the only thing that will be given in return is karma. And it will hit you so hard that you will suffer ten times worse than I did.

And this is what i am fucking thinking right now. I know karma will hit on you. It may not hit on you today, tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. But i know karma will hit you one day. Ten times worse then i suffered. Watch out.

What is love to you?

I keep wondering where did I go wrong. Maybe I didn’t go wrong at all. Maybe things are going to turn out the way they’re meant to and nothing’s going to stop them. Some things are easy to control and work out. But some things you just have to let go. So instead of asking why it turned out like this, I should just accept that this is how it is. There is no way to change it, but I can love it. I want to love it.

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off

Hai! Watch being human again with Qinyu and Cindy. (: Didn't go to east coast park, as my mother don't allow.. Sorry for that. :( And yeah, it's the second time i watched the movie, but it was still funny as ever. (: Homed at around 7pm plus.
I am lazy to post, hahahahahaha bye.

Sometimes i just act like i don't care.

Well, i had not posted a proper post these few days. The posts are either videos or pictures. Sorry for that, hahaha. I'm just too lazy to post one proper post. Maybe one day i will post one proper post alright! ;) Anyway, i'm going to east coast park with Cindy and Qinyu. Quite excited! And we'll be having our dinner at mac, fats! I think my mother will only give me 5 bucks for dinner. Oh fuck, so maybe i can only afford mac, or maybe hawker center food. Qinyu say she'll spon me some money for mac. Ohyeah! So dinner won't be a big problem. :) And yeah, the march holidays are here, like finally! I have one week of holidays, but also one week of homework. Arghz. But i only brought my geography workbook back home. Others are at school! So maybe i'll be only doing geography homework. I suddenly miss school. I need holidays when i'm in school, but when holidays came, i feel like going back. Strange isn't it? Cause i was really bored like shit at home. What can i do is only using computer to kill time. And i don't feel like doing homework too. :/  I hope tomorrow will be fun! And hope it won't rain and won't be too hot!

only a matter of time,

sixtyfivehearts:

before hope closes in on you

i sleep intermittently, for hours on end and some days hardly at all. i watch movies and listen to songs that break my heart. it doesn’t really matter because i’ve gotten better at hiding, but some days not so well. people get tired. yet in reality i think no one really cares to hear anything less than “i am fine”. someday (perhaps in a good way) i might even forget how to feel.

^_^

I really enjoy spending time with you, even if we’re just going to be sitting around and talking about nothing. There are a million things I love about you, like your nose or the way you smile, the way you look me in the eye, too. And I just get the greatest feeling when I make you laugh. I feel as if my company makes you happy, and that’s what I wish for you. For you to be happy. And when I see you laugh at my clumsy ways, it just makes me want to spend the rest of my life with you so I can see a smile on your face.

Awww so true. (:
Happy holidays. I'm not happy.

I call it love.

Class tee is out alrd. Design was better then i thought.
School was okay like usual. Homed at seven.
X-country tomorrow. Not gna sleep tonight. Meeting liangli @ six tomorrow.
Bringing Malini to harbour front to take her bus to KL, takecare darlin!
I hope tomorrow will be a good day. Nights.
30th.

Kipnapped!

Ohmygoddd i can't wait for this show! 18 march. :D

Smiles…

It doesn’t take alot to smile, but sometimes in life, things happen and our smiles get stolen from us.
We frown, we tear, even weep… but just find it hard to smile again.

Nothing is worth having so much as something unattainable.

Oh hello~ I'm bored right nownownow~ Downloading audition cause there's alot of songs dont have. Make me keep dc. :@ Redownloading. I hope it helps. The fucking abm sucks, not all songs are inside. My sister only downloaded the full version and all songs are inside. Fml.

Went science center yesterday. Together with Geokqin they all. Jingxuan and Liangli when to IMM first. Jingxuan wanted to buy a bag. Then bused to westmall, waited for them to come westmall then watched movie.

The movie called Happy Go Lucky i think. Quite boring flim. Only about gambling then lost all money then the daughter try to win back the money then end~ Quite sucky. Wasted 10 dollars for that. Argh.

Then went to Jingxuan cousin house to take psp. At kranji. Quite far. When we were take the train, the stop before yew tee. The train can't move. But in the end it successfully moved to yewtee but everyone must go out of the train~ Woah then got alot of people lor!

Next train came. Wanted to get it but inside was alotalot of people. Plus those just came out from the spoilt train. Very squeezey so decided to wait for the next one. Reached kranji, then went to Jingxuan cousin house. Woah condo! The condo looks quite old. Cause no paint ma~ :P

After that then went to Liangli cousin house cause quite near. She ate at there. After that train back to bukitbatok. Then Jingxuan and Liangli train back to jurong. Hehee quite a long day but overall was okay. :)

Today is sunday~ Not going outtt~ But very bored at home. Hais. Tomorrow there's school! Need to wake up early for 5 days again. BUT the holidays are coming!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR ITTTT. Maybe later i'll call Liangli and Jingxuan come my house. Maybe. ^^

Okayokay quite crappy post for today. :P Byebyeee!

The only moment we were alone

Done posting pictures. Nights

The key to life is happiness

H E L L O !! School was quite okay these few days. Literature yesterday was fun. I swear damn fun. I keep read wrong words, and got laughed! And the class was noisy because me haha! Oh-god-no, oh-my-god. Hahaha! This was damn funny, i read it as a robot tone!! And i love seeing people laugh, makes me laugh and feel happy too. :)

Jingxuan, Liangli and Shirley came my house yesterday! Watched hei tang ma qi duo. Jingxuan say my bed very comfortable hehehee! Shirley and liangli used computer. :) Liangli and Jingxuan left at 6pm. Shirley stayed. She watched me play audition haha. She laughed at same dance moves. LOL. She went home at 7pm. ^^

Today had.. Chinese oral. Hmm, i saw i got 17 for the first section. Idk total how much ah. But i hope chinese oral i'll pass. Cause there's only a passage to read. The teacher even asked me about my family haha. Royce was damn funny while we're waiting for our turn. Cause the teacher's tone is in china oneee. Then royce followed the china tone. Was damn funny can! Haaha! I laughed really like crazyz. Then played truth or truth. Benjamin tio alot of times haha!

Then went to Westmall to watch movie. Watched Being Human (做人). Was damn funny lor! I laughed alot of times. We missed 5min of the show cause we late go in. :( But i laughed damn hard was when they danced sorry sorry! HAHAHA. Laughed like hell can?!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCYLuOaaVW0 This is the film trailer!!

I am busy these days ahhh. Tomorrow going to IMM. Then saturday going to Body worlds at science center!! Had to prepare 10 dollars for admission. Ahh! And tomorrow giving class tee money, x-country food money! Need to take alot of money from my mother le! But class tee i'll pay myself. ^^ Then next thursday planning to watch Kidnapped. Haha, another jack neo show.

Okay can i say this is a long post finally?!
B Y E !

Shut the Fuck up.

We talk shit even though we don't like people shit-talking us. We laugh at people but get mad when they laugh at us. We complain even though we're complaining about how people always complain. We say we'll never do this and that but end up doing it. We say we hate haters when we're the ones hating our haters. We're hypocrites and you know it. I’m a bitch because i don’t let you push me around. I’m a liar because i won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes i’m wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a whore because i like boys. I’m a loser because i’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because most of the time i’m happy. I’m weird because i’m not like you. Don’t tell me who i am because i already know.

You can hate me. You can get everyone to turn against me. You can do your best to destroy me. You can break me. You can hurt me. But I promise you the only thing that will be given in return is karma. And it will hit you so hard that you will suffer ten times worse than I did.

Coooool! :> From celeste blog. :D

Jealousy sucks. :(
Hope you hand is alright.

We are all placed on earth to leave imprints on each others' lives.

Life is about creating something out of nothing, stick to it and keep working on it.

No one can stop you unless you stop yourself, No one will push you unless you push yourself. The choice is yours.

-http://www.jj-lin.com/