Gotten back one of my subject's result. english P2. i failed. i fucking failed my EL again. of course it's just part of the subject but it's like a heads start to the results of my prelims. fuck i am starting to get really scared. i canNOT fail my EL in Os man. days ago i had a dream. i dreamt that i did really really badly for Os. like the subject i've always been strong in, i got c6 for amath. wth! and idk what "50 duplicates" under combined humanities and 80 spelling errors on the same word for EL p1. but i've gotten a1 for science. ok i know this is unrealistic and all but that feeling was so real and i can still remember now. i didn't even dare to count my L1R5 because my L1R4 already hit 20. it was so scary and i totally had no idea where could i go, where should i go.

i know i know, it's just a dream afterall. but it felt like a sign to me. a bad omen. i don't know. and i've received a failed english paper. fuck i'm damn scared. was i not hardworking enough? i don't think so

so.fucking.demoralized